


A Question of Honour

by shinyopals



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers team shenanigans, Awesome Jane Foster, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Jane Foster Loves Science, POV Jane Foster, Paintball, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Team Bonding, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor loves Jane, overly competitive paintball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 07:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyopals/pseuds/shinyopals
Summary: ‘Paintball?’ said Steve. ‘We could do… that…’‘What is that?’ asked Thor. He nuzzled into Jane’s hair. His mead-breath was giving her a headache.‘It’s a thing- a game… thing. With paint.’‘Rogers, stop explaining stuff to Thor, you’re embarrassing me.’ Tony’s voice was remarkably coherent. Must have been drinking sensibly. Bastard.When it comes to deciding whether Earth or Asgard has better warriors, the stakes are high, and Jane is wishing she'd kept her big mouth shut.





	A Question of Honour

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Niobium](http://archiveofourown.org/users/niobium) as ever for very kindly beta-reading!

‘You’re such a _liar_!’ said Jane, giggling into her drink.

Thor, on the couch in front of her, eyed her over the rim of his own glass. ‘You insult my honour, Jane Foster! I would never lie!’

She snorted and downed the rest of her glass. ‘You insult _my_ honour by thinking I’d believe such a- such an obvious lie!’ She put down her glass. The room was spinning a little. She thought she was probably fine.

‘Better watch out,’ said Tony. ‘Offending honour on Asgard’ll probably get you executed.’

Jane grinned. 

‘Of course not,’ said Thor. ‘The insulted could simply issue a challenge to fight! I have won every challenge I’ve ever fought,’ he added smugly, puffing up his chest slightly.

‘Well,’ said Jane. ‘For my… honour and stuff, I challenge you!’

Thor blinked up at her. ‘You call me a liar, and then challenge _me_?’ he demanded.

Jane folded her arms. ‘Afraid to lose?’

‘Never!’ said Thor. He put down his glass. ‘I accept.’

She heard someone mutter behind her: ‘Is Jane going to die?’ 

Before she could reply, she was suddenly aware of being thrown through the air and dropped unceremoniously onto the couch Thor had been sitting on until about half a second before. Thor loomed above her momentarily - how had he even moved that quickly? - and she shrieked and batted at his hands when he tickled her.

‘You’re the worst!’ she yelled.

‘Surrender?’ 

‘Never!’

‘Ugh, get a room,’ said someone else. She thought it was Tony again.

Laughing, Thor let up, picked up Jane again, re-sat himself and deposited her into his lap. He was warm and cuddly as well as being a bit of a smug asshole and she leaned into him.

‘I won then,’ she said. He blinked at her. ‘To survive a battle with _the Mighty Thor_ is basically winning.’ She made vague flexing gestures with her arms as she spoke and received a couple of titters from the wider group.

Thor let out a loud bark of laughter and then picked up his glass and took another generous mouthful. Just the smell of it made Jane’s eyes water. She tried to avoid kissing him when he drank that stuff because it tended to destroy her.

‘What did I miss?’ asked Darcy, reappearing back into the room.

‘Thor’s convinced he’s won every battle he’s ever fought and that Asgardians are the best tacticians in the entire universe,’ said Steve drily. ‘Jane just beat him in a fight about it.’

‘That- that is entirely debatable,’ said Thor. He leaned his head against Jane’s.

Pepper leaned over and handed Jane another beer.

‘I call it a solid victory for humanity,’ she said with a sly wink at Jane.

~*~

‘’m telling you, Thor, buddy, you need to let this go.’

‘Why should I let it go? Why not you?’

Jane opened her eyes to Thor still posturing and Steve still taking the bait. She shut them again very quickly. She reached for her drink. 

‘Why don’t you fight it out when you’re sober?’ came Darcy’s voice.

‘No- no flattening New York. Noooo. None. None at all.’ That was Pepper.

‘Laser tag?’ offered Jane through closed eyes. ‘Paintball?’

‘Paintball?’ said Steve. ‘We could do… that…’

‘What is that?’ asked Thor. He nuzzled into Jane’s hair. His mead-breath was giving her a headache.

‘It’s a thing- a game… thing. With paint.’ 

‘Rogers, stop explaining stuff to Thor, you’re embarrassing me.’ Tony’s voice was remarkably coherent. Must have been drinking sensibly. _Bastard._

‘Not as embarrassed as Thor’s gonna be when we beat his ass at paintball,’ said Steve. Jane opened her eyes just in time to see him lean forward off the couch to pour himself some more mead and accidentally slide onto the floor, which he hit with an ‘oof’.

‘You’re all gonna die,’ came Sam’s voice.

‘Nobody dies in paintball,’ said Steve. He looked about himself as though confused with the floor. Jane shut her eyes again. ‘Earth vs Asgard! And Asgard is definitely going to lose. You’re in, right, Jane?’

‘Damn right I’m in,’ she said.

‘Whatever it is, I am confident... we shall be victorious,’ said Thor. The words seemed to be giving him trouble and she vaguely patted in the direction of his face. Then she tried to open her eyes but it proved too much effort.

After that, she didn’t remember much.

~*~

‘So you missed our strategy meeting this morning,’ said Steve, as he and Sam entered Jane’s lab. Interrupted from her work, she blinked owlishly up at him, and then glanced at the clock to discover two hours had gone past.

‘For paintball,’ explained Sam.

‘I… what?’ said Jane. Parts of the previous evening began to form rather fuzzily in her brain. ‘I did… agree to do that, didn’t I?’

‘Yup,’ said Sam, grinning broadly.

‘We’ve got our first training session tomorrow morning,’ said Steve. ‘And we’ve picked a team captain,’ said Steve.

‘Uh… training? A… team… captain?’

‘Colonel Rhodes,’ said Steve. ‘I mean, how many paintball teams can say they’ve got a full bird Colonel for a team leader and an ex-Russian spy for psyops.’

‘And a super soldier for training drills,’ added Sam with a grin at Steve.

‘Uh,’ said Jane. She looked at Darcy.

‘Don’t look at me,’ said Darcy. ‘I didn’t volunteer to paintball against Asgardians. I wasn’t anywhere near that stupid.’

‘Maybe I should drop out?’ said Jane.

‘We thought you might say that,’ said Sam. ‘That’s why we’re here.’

‘To… accept my resignation?’

‘To plead that you stay,’ he said.

Jane squinted at him. ‘Um,’ she said. ‘You know everyone else in the human team is going to be an Avenger or a trained soldier, right? Or Tony.’ She wondered how Tony felt about that.

‘We don’t want to force you to take part, Doc,’ said Steve, ‘but we really think you could help the team. This morning we talked strategy, and Rhodes has come up with a five-pronged plan-’

‘I’m going to stop you right there,’ interrupted Jane. ‘Even if I am paintballing with superheroes - which is definitely not going to happen anyway - I am _not_ attending strategy meetings or talking about _five-pronged plans_.’

‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay on the team?’ wheedled Sam, with his best puppy-dog-eyes. Jane felt herself beginning to relent slightly, even though by rights she should basically be immune to charm by that point thanks to Thor. ‘We could really use you.’

‘Besides, if you drop out, Tony will have no reason not to drop out,’ added Steve. ‘If you stay, his ego will make him stay. And we want to see him paintballed.’

Jane snorted as Sam nudged Steve and snickered. ‘So the truth comes out,’ she said, rolling her eyes.

‘That’s really not the only-’

‘Rogers, quit while you’re ahead,’ she said. She looked between him and Sam. They both looked hopefully back. She sighed. ‘Ugh goddamn superheroes and their puppy-dog eyes. Fine. I will stay in your paintball team if Tony’s in. But I have a day job. I am not coming to strategy meetings or… doing training or whatever. Just tell me where to go on the day that I can be the least useless and accept that I’m going to die within about five minutes.’

The guys grinned. ‘It’ll be fine,’ said Sam.

‘You’re practically an Avenger,’ added Steve.

Jane glared at them both.

‘You’re gonna die,’ said Darcy cheerfully.

After seeing the rest of her ‘team’ (which was basically the human Avengers minus Bruce, who gave a flat ‘no’ that offered no room for argument) attend multiple planning meetings and do training drills daily at sunrise, Jane began to agree with Darcy. Tony, at least, followed Jane’s path and categorically refused to attend too many “boring” meetings or get up at six in the morning to run laps with Steve. Unlike Jane, however, he did have fairly regular workouts with combat training because of the whole Avenger thing, so he was still fairly fit. (Her only regular workout was sex with her boyfriend.) (She was definitely going to die.)

To his credit, Thor didn’t tried to talk her out of it, nor did he patronise her. He merely grinned and told her he looked forward to meeting her in battle. She wasn’t sure that made her feel any better.

~*~

Thor’s paintball team arrived the evening before the big day and brought with them a couple of casks of mead for themselves, and a beautiful set of dark wooden furnishings with inlaid gold as a gift to Pepper and Tony as their hosts. Pepper was probably the only person on the planet who could keep her cool in that sort of situation, and she thanked them graciously while Tony mouthed what-the-fuck at Jane.

Thor, meanwhile, hooked Jane’s arm through his and brought her forward to introduce her to the new faces and say hello to the old. The team included Sif and the Warriors Three, of course. Jane smiled shyly at them and accepted their more formal greetings. She really wished she had more chances to get to know Thor’s friends. There was also a broad-shouldered girl with red hair who Jane would have guessed was about seventeen or eighteen, who Volstagg proudly introduced as his daughter Flosi; and a black woman who looked about Jane’s age and who, for once, wasn’t much taller than her. She was introduced as Brunnhilde, and she seemed to be a friend of Sif’s.

Dinner was fairly boisterous, even if nobody was drinking to the extreme. Flosi kept tripping up and referring to Thor as either “Gudfar” ( _Godfather_ being the closest the Alltongue could come to what Thor later explained was a relationship borne from an oath to Volstagg that his children would be protected) or “Your Highness”. Both of which caused much snickering from the Avengers. When Tony started addressing Thor as “Your Majesty” in a deeply terrible English accent, Thor informed him that “Your Highness” was correct.

‘I am not king yet,’ he added. ‘Though I’m glad that after several years of acquaintance you’ve finally decided to respect my rank.’

‘Oh, do forgive me, _Your Highness_ ,’ said Tony, attempting to bow.

Thor, who already knew how to deal with Tony, merely accepted the mock-bow with grave politeness.

‘So what are princesses called?’ asked Sam, grinning. 

‘Yeah, I need to know if _Doc_ is acceptable,’ said Steve, eyes filled with mirth.

Jane shot them both a glare. Thor just smiled serenely. ‘ _Your Highness_ is also correct for my partner after we wed,’ he said. ‘Although someone who marries me may, speaking hypothetically of course, wish to continue to use the title they have earned in their own right when they are amongst friends and colleagues.’ Jane elbowed him, feeling her face going red. They occasionally talked about things like that, but it didn’t mean she wanted it to come up in a massive dinner party. Thor, irrepressible, just grinned at her. Then, taking in some surprised looks from his Asgardian audience, arched his eyebrows at them. ‘My father is not here to disapprove of my words. I ask that you do not waste time disapproving either,’ he added. His words were light but Jane thought she felt some tiny undertone of tension radiating out from him. This, she thought, was not a request.

‘We’ll stick with _Doc_ for now then, shall we?’ said Rhodey grinning.

‘If I’m ever Queen of Asgard, I’m going to have you all thrown in jail,’ said Jane.

‘Sorry, Your-future-Highness,’ said Tony, with another mock bow. 

‘Which side am I meant to be on for paintball? Because I’m starting to forget,’ she muttered. 

~*~

‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ said Jane.

‘This is entirely your fault,’ said Tony.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said. She scuffed the heels of her boots in the dirt and fiddled with the edge of the military-issue shirt she was wearing.

‘Firstly,’ said Tony, ‘you’re the only reason Thor’s on Earth. Secondly, you challenged his ego first. Thirdly, you suggested paintball. And fourthly, you could back out, right now, and nobody would think any less of you. You’re just a human, after all. A small, regular human who has literally never held a gun before.’ He added the last bit grumpily.

‘So are you,’ said Jane chirpily. ‘You could drop out if you don’t want to be here.’ Tony glared but, like Steve and Sam had predicated, refused to back down.

All the same, Jane was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. There she was, in borrowed fatigues that swamped her, trying not to think too hard about the short briefing she’d been given that morning. Her chief objective, as defined by Nat, was run and hide, and she couldn’t say she disagreed with that. Her own personal goal was to survive ten minutes.

She turned to look over at the Asgardians. They, too, seemed to be taking it fairly seriously, and were dressed without any bright reds or shining silver armour. Instead they wore mottled green, not dissimilar to the typical camouflage patterns Jane was used to.

Thor caught her gaze and winked. ‘It is not my usual style,’ he admitted.

‘Should have worn your cape,’ she said with a grin.

He laughed. ‘Part of the challenge was to demonstrate the skill of tactics and secrecy over brute force. It is not perhaps my natural arena, it must be said, but I am not quite that foolish.’

Jane reached over to pick up one of the paintball guns. It felt awkward and heavy in her arms and she peered over to where Sam and Rhodey were standing, comfortably holding theirs. She did her best to imitate the position of their arms, but it didn’t quite sit right and she nearly dropped it.

‘Here, Lady,’ said Brunnhilde, reaching over. ‘Your arms will not reach around positioned thus. If you-’ She moved the gun into a slightly more comfortable position and nudged Jane’s arms into place.

Jane smiled. ‘Thanks!’ she said. Since Brunnhilde was only a bit taller than her, she guessed it made sense that she’d know better how to hold a gun with short arms. ‘I’ve never seen anyone on Asgard shoot with guns though.’

‘We do not, as a rule,’ said Brunnhilde.

‘It takes the fun out of battle,’ said Thor. Jane resisted making a snappy comment about battles needing to be _fun_.

‘Any who wish to fight must learn many types of weaponry though, for you never know when such a skill will be useful,’ continued Brunnhilde.

‘Settling bets and challenges, primarily,’ added Sif from the side.

‘Have you never trained to fight, Lady?’ asked Brunnhilde.

‘Uh, no,’ said Jane. ‘Well, I’ve been in a bar fight. I got elbowed in the face, and the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital with an arrest record.’ The listening Asgardians seemed slightly alarmed. Jane wasn’t sure if it was because they thought getting elbowed in the face was something someone should be able to shrug off, or they were just horrified that fighting in a bar was an arrestable offence. ‘They dropped the charges because I was mostly just an innocent bystander.’ 

‘Mostly?’ said Thor with amusement.

‘I mean, I definitely shouted some things,’ conceded Jane. ‘But I didn’t throw any punches. I got knocked out too quickly for that.’ She shrugged. ‘It did at least spur me on to taking a self-defence class so I could learn how to punch if I ever needed to.’

‘You better not be spilling all our tactics to the enemy, Jane,’ said Natasha, appearing at her side. Jane thought she was being messed with, but it was hard to tell with Nat. ‘Everybody ready?’

‘Of course,’ said Thor complacently. He took Jane’s hand and kissed it. ‘I will not wish you luck. I instead wish you a painless defeat,’ he said, with way more solemnity than the occasion needed.

‘How are you such a jerk?’ said Jane with a huff of laughter.

At the front of the gun assembly area was Steve, standing next to a spotty, harassed-looking kid in a uniform, who probably wasn’t getting paid nearly enough to deal with mostly-Avengers fighting Asgardians.

‘As discussed, we’ve agreed a few slight modifications of the rules,’ said Steve, ‘since there’s a hundred-thousand dollars to a charity of the winners’ choice at stake. Please remember that we’re still keeping most of the basic safety procedures though, since we don’t want these guys to get in trouble with their insurance. Chiefly: no head or neck shots unless you have sniper training _and_ are aiming for an Asgardian or an enhanced human. No physical contact at all. And all non-enhanced humans must wear goggles at all times - everyone else, it’s your call.’ The paintball employee looked a bit wretched and Jane began to suspect the changes to the rules had been pushed on him.

She reached over for the safety goggles supplied and put them on. They were a little scratched and foggy but she’d take them over getting accidentally shot in the face.

‘Has anybody pointed out that Steve is the only human who gets to skip the goggles by that rule?’ muttered Clint, behind her.

‘Hey, if the dude wants to lose his eyeballs...’ murmured Nat in reply.

‘As a reminder: we’re just playing capture the flag and bring it back to your homebase, or whoever has the most people left at the end of the time if nobody succeeds that,’ continued Steve. ‘You’ve all done a radio check, I hope.’

Jane touched the earpiece she was wearing with suppressed amusement at the continued awkwardness of the paintball employee. He probably wasn’t used to this level of over-preparation. 

‘And once you die or surrender, remember, no communicating anything of tactical advantage to your team. Not even who shot you. You’re meant to be dead, after all. Just get out of the area.’ He turned to the paintball employee with enough wholesome jollity he had to know it was almost intimidating. ‘Anything to add, David?’

‘Erm. No. Thanks.’

‘Excellent,’ said Steve. ‘We’ll now be led to our separate starting points. Good luck everyone. May the best team win.’

‘Let the seventy-fifth annual Hunger Games begin,’ she heard Sam say under his breath.

~*~

As they walked to their starting point, everyone was very quiet. It wasn’t until she caught Steve pointing out a couple of very climbable trees to Nat that she realised they were scoping out the area and she sighed. She was definitely doomed. It might be nice to do paintball with some normal people, but this was way more serious than she’d anticipated, even if both Thor and Tony considered a hundred thousand dollars to be basically pocket change.

‘Chin up, Doc,’ said Sam. ‘It’ll be fun.’ He grinned then. ‘You did start this.’

‘Oh shut up,’ Jane grumbled.

‘Hey, if you want to be a distraction you can run ahead screaming and go down in a blaze of glory,’ he offered.

‘No thanks,’ said Jane with a snort. ‘Give that job to Tony.’

‘Er, excuse me, I don’t think so,’ said Tony. ‘Which of us survived three months in a cave filled with terrorists? That’s right: it was me. I’m going to take down at least two of them.’

‘Damn right,’ said Sam, waggling his eyebrows at Jane. She did her best to suppress a giggle. 

At last, they were at their starting point and at last they were ready to go. Despite the silliness, she felt a flutter of nerves. She did her best to ignore it, reminding herself that a strict no-contact rule and using guns with a limited firing speed was probably the safest way to fight Asgardians. 

‘You all know the plan,’ said Rhodey. This was technically true, even if Jane’s personal plan was to not make a complete fool of herself. ‘Keep low, keep hidden, keep comms to essentials. Steve and Sam stick to the primary objective. Tony and I will guard the damn flag for all it’s worth. Clint, track the enemy from the trees and follow them to our base if needed. Nat, Jane, stay back and out, and form the second wave of attack if Sam and Steve fail, and shoot anyone you see.’ He looked around at them all and smiled. ‘Remember: they’re not on their home turf and they don’t use guns, whereas for most of us this is bread and butter. They’re big and they stand out. The only advantage they’ve got is stamina, so don’t run and don’t panic and we’re going to take them down.’

Jane tried not to grimace. She was pretty sure Thor and his friends having had hundreds of years of training in weapons meant this would not be a walk in the park, even if Rhodey was confident enough to allow two sacrificial lambs onto the team in the form of herself and Tony.

Steve seemed to catch her mood and just smiled at her. ‘Just think how nice it’ll be to see that ego knocked down a peg or two,’ he said.

‘Are we talking about Thor’s or Tony’s?’ asked Jane. 

‘We’re on the same team here, Foster,’ said Tony as Steve snickered. 

Before she could retort, David, the still visibly wary paintball employee, gave them the call to go. Almost instantly, everyone but Jane, Rhodey and Tony had vanished into the trees as though they were never there.

‘Go get ‘em, Janey,’ said Tony. ‘I’m just gonna have a nice rest here by the flag while you get your ass beat.’

‘Eyes and ears on the prize, Soldier,’ insisted Rhodey, in slightly hushed drill-sergeant tones.

‘ _Really_?’ she heard Tony say as she turned and stomped into the trees in the direction that had been indicated. She hoped they’d be able to button it for long enough to actually listen for anyone approaching. 

Rather than a small, indoor arena, Rhodey and Thor had scouted out a paintball company that used parts of a forest in the grounds of a large private park, and then asked them to get permission to expand their operation. Too small-scale a battle, it had been felt, would be over too quickly, so the total area was slightly over a square mile. The only cover in the arena was, in theory, that provided by nature, but as Jane walked, she suspected the conveniently dense bushes, logs and trees were somewhat cultivated.

Alone, carrying a weapon and dressed in fatigues, every noise suddenly became an enemy jumping out at her. Under the safety goggles, sweat already tickled her nose and every time she breathed out she could see the edges of the goggles fogging up a little. Grumbling to herself, she tramped forward. There was no sign of her team. There was no sign of _anyone_. She should definitely have dropped out a long time ago. She could be at home doing math in a nice, only-slightly-dangerous laboratory. Instead she was walking into a gun battle. For fun. 

She wasn’t sure whether she was annoyed or not that she didn’t have a partner to walk with. They could have just left her guarding the flag with a friend to chat to instead of hiking through the woods, but Rhodey had assured her that the Asgardians would expect that. She couldn’t help but feel like she was just bait in some sort of trap.

The breeze tugged at her ponytail as she walked, leaves and twigs crackling underfoot. She realised that everyone else was probably managing to move much more silently and she slowed her pace, walking carefully. Without the mask and the stupid gun, it might just be a nice, summer walk. Instead she was vaguely defending the honour of her planet, solely because Tony Stark was annoying enough that everyone wanted to see him paintballed.

‘Foster, there’s people headed your way,’ came Nat’s voice in her earpiece.

Jane gulped and ducked behind a bush, not asking how Nat even knew where she was. She felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. Nobody actually died from paintball, did they? Even paintball when up against hugely powerful aliens. She brought up the gun and gently eased herself backwards, trying to cover herself up and-

Volstagg and Flosi suddenly appeared around a tree some five feet away, weapons drawn. Jane froze in place.

So did they. 

Volstagg’s weapon even dropped slightly.

The sudden moment of peace stretched on what felt like forever, but Jane knew could only be a second or so. Then she smashed her finger on the trigger frantically, heart in her throat.

Four shots went embarrassingly wide. Two hit home.

The three of them stared at each other in silence, until Volstagg suddenly laughed and clapped his daughter on the shoulder. ‘Well fought, Jane Foster, well fought,’ he said. He looked off to a slightly different angle. ‘My friends, Flosi and I have perished. Avenge us with all your might.’

‘Uh,’ said Jane. Volstagg grinned at her, and led Flosi away. Jane stared after them momentarily. ‘Uh,’ she said again, this time into the earpiece. ‘I got Volstagg and Flosi.’

‘Wait, you killed _two people_ ,’ came Tony’s voice incredulously.

‘You better get going, Jane,’ said Nat. ‘They’ll have heard their team members are down.’

‘Right,’ said Jane, scrambling to her feet. 

Suddenly this seemed a lot more real and weirdly achievable. She wasn’t even dead. She’d got _two people_.

Then she heard a twig snap, not too distant.

Just about suppressing a yelp, she took off in the opposite direction at full pelt. The sudden flood of adrenaline rushing through her pushed her on and made escape all the more vital as her boots thudded through the leafy undergrowth.

‘Jane, slow down, you can’t outrun them, remember?’ came Nat’s voice. ‘Find somewhere to hide.’

‘Grgh,’ grunted Jane. She couldn’t help but think it was easy enough for a super-spy. She looked around as she ran, spied a large bush, and all but dived around it. Belatedly, she raised her gun in the direction she’d come from and waited. For a few moments, the only sound was her breathing, then-

‘ _OW_.’ She jumped out of her skin at a sudden stinging slap on her upper arm. Looking down, she saw a orange glob of paint on her shirt. She whirled around to search for her attacker. ‘Are you seriously kidding me?’

Thor, half hidden by a tree, had the grace to look guilty. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.

‘You are dead to me,’ said Jane. He pouted. ‘Nope. No puppy-dog eyes allowed. Dead to me. Forever.’ She touched her earpiece. ‘I’m dead.’

‘Already?’ Sam sounded weirdly surprised.

There was a rustling behind Jane and Sif appeared from around the bush. She must have been the one doing the chasing, although why she hadn’t caught up, Jane had no idea. She studied Jane’s shirt and Thor in silence momentarily.

‘You shot her,’ she said at last.

‘That is the game,’ said Thor. He leaned against his tree. ‘You didn’t. Going soft?’

Sif gave a snort. 

Before any of them could say anything further, two shots rang out. Sif dived towards a broad tree trunk, but they hadn’t been aimed at her. ‘I am under attack from an unseen enemy,’ she reported into her comms. ‘Thor fought Jane and won, but has just now been defeated himself.’

Jane let out a sudden laugh as Thor looked down at the two blue stains on his shirt, barely an inch apart, perfectly over his heart. His entire countenance suggested bewildered betrayal.

‘Thor got Jane,’ came Natasha’s voice to the team. ‘I got Thor. Sif’s nearby but she’s not yet been in my range. I’m waiting for her to move.’

‘Wait, _Thor_ shot Jane?’ said Tony, delighted. ‘Really, truly?’

‘Shut up,’ grumbled Jane. ‘I’m going back to base. And I’m taking my earpiece out so I don’t have to listen to you.’

‘Someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight,’ hooted Tony.

‘I hope you get shot, like, eight hundred times,’ she said, before taking out her comms and pocketing it before turning back to Thor. He was now peering through the trees, still looking a little bemused. She saw a slight flicker of orange at his ear and throat, to indicate he’d - probably - deactivated his own comms.

‘I can only assume that was Natasha or Clint,’ he said, addressing Jane. ‘For I cannot see any sign of them, and I believe the angle was from fairly high in the trees.’ He offered Jane his arm. ‘Shall we, before we become embroiled in Sif’s battle?’

‘Thank you both for nothing,’ grumbled Sif. Thor grinned.

‘You’re still dead to me,’ said Jane, accepting his arm on the basis that he annoyed her less than Tony. He leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of Jane’s head and they started walking back to the safe area, leaving Sif to rescue herself.

‘I did warn you, when first we began to date, that there might come a day when my loyalty to Asgard would force me to make a decision that displeased you,’ said Thor without a trace of guilt.

‘That is technically correct,’ said Jane, because it was, ‘but the context did not involve shooting me.’ He had at the time been talking about having to leave her again if he had to fight a war on another realm.

He grinned winningly. She elbowed him on principle. 

~*~

Back in the safe zone, they found Volstagg and Flosi each drinking a beer from the large cooler that the Avengers had brought with them. The first thing Jane did was pull off the overheated safety mask and sigh with relief, wiping sweat away from her face with her shirt sleeve. 

‘It is not very strong, is it?’ observed Volstagg of his drink.

‘No, I usually stick to my own,’ said Thor. He offered Volstagg his flask, but Volstagg turned out to have one of his own anyway. ‘How did you suffer your defeat?’

Volstagg grinned and gestured to Jane.

Thor blinked. ‘You have hidden talents, Beloved,’ he said, then he smiled. ‘Well fought. I did not realise when I shot you that I was removing such a hardened warrior from the area.’

‘Ha-ha,’ said Jane. ‘I think these guys were just a bit slow figuring out the guns or something like that,’ she added, because it seemed like that had to be the reason.

‘Oh?’ said Thor. He glanced at Volstagg and Flosi with slight confusion, then suddenly his eyes cleared and he laughed loudly. ‘Definitely _something_ happened,’ he agreed. Jane frowned up at him but he merely grinned mischievously and turned to set up the two large charcoal grills the Avengers had brought. 

Jane huffed, but she knew that look. He wasn’t going to say anything until he wanted to. She made herself comfortable on the same picnic table as Volstagg and Flosi and asked Flosi about what her schooling was like.

By the time Tony trooped in grumpily with two shots on his chest and one on his thigh, Jane had discovered that while Flosi had finished her academic education, she was still taking lessons in magic in addition to warrior training. She had, she told Jane, certain abilities with fire that would be very useful in combat. 

(‘Or barbeque!’ Thor had interrupted at that point, and made her help light it, explaining to Jane that smaller, controlled magic was often harder for those with a lot of power so always worth practicing.)

‘You died, then?’ said Jane unsympathetically as Tony pulled off his protective gear and wiped his face.

‘I lasted longer than you,’ Tony pointed out.

‘Yeah, but I killed two people. Just think how much better than you I’d be at being Iron Man.’

‘Foster one of these days I’m going to put you in a suit and you’re going to wet your pants.’

Jane opened her mouth to say something about having been to fucking space and being able to handle it before remembering Tony’s portal-phobia-thing and stopping herself. ‘Beer?’ she asked him instead.

He grinned and sat down next to her. ‘When’s food, Thunder?’

‘I had thought to wait until the game looked closer to its end,’ said Thor.

‘No way,’ said Tony. ‘Early death means we get the best stuff. It’s the rules.’

‘I like this idea!’ chimed in Volstagg.

Thor didn’t take any more persuading, since food was involved. ‘Come, Flosi, I need your skills for this.’

‘Gudfar?’ She moved to stand beside him and Thor pointed into the barbeque.

‘The flames must burn through the fuel before we may start cooking properly,’ he explained. ‘You feel them burning?’ Flosi nodded. ‘You could force them down, but then you would have to concentrate on magic for the rest of the afternoon. So instead, feel for the fire - make it stronger. Have it burn through everything quickly. It will come when you call. It wants to be bigger and stronger. Flames are like lightning in that way - if you call them, they will come.’

Flosi closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Jane was interrupted in her thinking how cute Thor was as a teacher and how she suddenly really wanted to make out with him by Volstagg jumping to his feet, slightly alarmed.

‘Maybe stand back a little if you both wish to retain your hair!’ he said.

His advice turned out to be sensible, because a second later flames roared up several feet in height, spurting grey smoke into the sky. Jane jumped and let out a gasp and Tony - bless him - pushed her back and leaned in front of her. The air felt suddenly warm and dry against her face and hands.

Thor, with slightly blackened features but still with all his hair, grinned and patted Flosi on the arm. ‘Well done,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Exactly like that.’ He stepped forward and inspected the grill. ‘There’s near nothing left to burn. Another minute or two and I may begin cooking.’

‘Asgardians,’ muttered Tony under his breath. 

Jane caught Flosi’s slightly nervous look at her dad, but Volstagg merely rolled his eyes. ‘When you have a child, Thor, I shall go to great pains to ensure they use their magic to its fullest extent!’ he said.

Thor snickered. ‘You may rest easy, old friend, for I shall be the one doing the teaching,’ he said. ‘What’s the use of magic if you don’t use it?’

‘You hear that, Mrs Thor?’ said Tony to Jane. ‘No comment from you on his parenting plans?’

‘Hey, if my entirely-hypothetical future kid can beat you in a fight by the time they’re five years old then I’m not complaining,’ said Jane, avoiding Thor’s glance, slightly worried it would be a serious one. She needn’t have worried, though, because she heard him laugh.

‘That much I promise, Jane Foster,’ he said. ‘The iron suits are pliable enough that a child could destroy them.’

Tony didn’t rise to the bait. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘I’ve never thought about it, but how the hell do Asgardians baby-proof their houses?’

‘With difficulty,’ said Thor, as he began to pull out burgers to put on the grill. ‘And with several tonnes of non-conductive materials lining all the major rooms in the palace, so I was told.’

~*~

As Thor cooked and began to distribute food (which, to feed seven Asgardians, Steve Rogers, and the ordinary humans meant Thor had pretty much bought the entirety of a couple of kosher butchers, despite Jane assuring him she’d be fine to share a grill with non-kosher stuff), some of the others started to appear with various paint wounds. Steve (five shots to his chest, one to his arm, and one to his hip - apparently no chances were being taken) arrived first, Fandral and Hogun (both dead-center forehead shots, which Steve reckoned was Clint and Nat showing off), and finally Clint himself with a kill-shot to his shoulder and also a friendly-fire wound on his ass ( _’Natasha thinks she’s funny,’_ he’d grumbled). .

‘I hope you’re ready to say goodbye to your money, because there’s no way Rhodey’s going down!’ said Tony triumphantly.

Thor grinned. ‘You may be right,’ he said. ‘He already had one secret weapon I did not anticipate. Perhaps there is another. Sif and Brunnhilde will not make it easy, however.’

Tony blinked. He had clearly been expecting Thor to argue at least a little bit. ‘Secret weapon?’ he demanded.

Thor just kept his daft, secretive grin and Jane rolled her eyes. ‘Stop being so smug,’ she told him. Snickering, Thor helped himself to a rack of ribs the size of her head from the grill and began to eat.

‘You’ve figured it out?’ said Steve to Thor.

‘Alas, too late for Asgard,’ said Thor mournfully.

‘Wait, there is actually a secret weapon?’ said Tony.

‘You said not to bother you with all the _long_ and _boring_ tactics meetings,’ said Clint in a sing-song voice. 

Jane had also said that, so she decided it wasn’t the time to ask for more details herself. Instead she wiped some barbeque sauce off her hands and went to grab another beer. She’d find out soon enough. Thor wouldn’t be able to keep it hidden for longer than a couple of hours - he was too absurdly pleased with whatever it was and he usually let her coax anything out of him sooner or later.

Eventually they heard footsteps and laughter and shouting. Jane looked up just in time to see the remaining five emerge from the trees.

Sam was wearing the orange flag like it was Thor’s cape had a massive grin. Jane let out a whoop, and Steve and Tony cheered. Natasha and Rhodey were wearing bright orange shirts that almost exactly matched both the colour of the flag, and the colour of the paint they were stained with from multiple bullet wounds.

‘Last human standing!’ said Sam, raising his arms to fly the flag. ‘But we won!’

Sif and Brunnhilde didn’t have any paint on them, and instead gave shrugs of amused resignation. ‘You fought bravely,’ said Sif.

‘Your teammates’ sacrifice was worth it in the end,’ added Brunnhilde. 

Thor let out another roar of laughter and leapt to his feet. ‘My congratulations, people of Midgard,’ he said. ‘Asgard has been bested!’ He clapped Rhodey on the back, and Rhodey let out a slight grunt at the force.

‘’Bout damn time,’ said Steve, handing out beers. ‘I’ve been waiting for weeks to tell Thor where to put his ego.’ Thor gave Steve a friendly punch for what Jane suspected were reasons of principle, but his smile didn’t dim as he assisted in handing around more drinks.

‘You guys had better not have eaten all the food,’ said Sam. He knotted his flag-cape around his neck and grabbed a plate.

‘There’s plenty left, despite my best efforts,’ said Volstagg cheerily. ‘Thor knows for whom he is catering. Dig in!’

Jane had eaten her fill, so she stayed back while most of the others grabbed food (or second and third helpings). Thor joined her shortly, with a full plate again, and Rhodey sat opposite, next to Tony, who looked as smug as if he’d been the one who’d led them all to victory.

‘We’ll let you know our choice of charities in the next few days,’ he said.

‘In recognition of Midgard’s achievement I naturally will double the wager,’ said Thor. 

Jane blinked at him. ‘One day,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘one day I am gonna be used to your attitude to money.’

Thor grinned. ‘A distraction and an honourable sacrifice is a plan worthy of any Asgardian battle,’ he said. ‘It would be foolish of me not to recognise that. Colonel Rhodes, if you should tire of your work here, I will give you an army to command on Asgard.’

‘I… don’t even know if you’re being serious,’ said Rhodey, as Tony instantly gave a scowl that Jane could only interpret as possessive. ‘Maybe in a few years if it looks like I’m not gonna make General,’ he added with a grin.

‘We actually had a not-dissimilar idea to your distraction, should we have obtained the flag,’ said Thor. ‘However due to your superior tactics at the start, we were left with lower numbers.’

‘Oh yeah?’ said Rhodey. There was something measuring in his eyes.

‘He’s figured it out,’ said Steve, joining them.

‘Or he _says_ he has,’ said Clint, stepping up behind with Sam. ‘He could just be messing. It is Thor.’

‘I think he knows,’ said Nat, from the next table over. ‘He’s the one that killed her, after all.’

Several sets of eyes turned to Jane with varying degrees of smugness or - in Tony’s case - confusion. ‘Wait… _what_?’ she said.

‘What I do not yet know,’ said Thor complacently, ‘was how much of the conversation over dinner last night was constructed intentionally for the benefit of my warriors.’

Rhodey laughed. ‘We’d tried to come up with a few ways to casually remind your guys that Jane might be their future Queen.’

‘Their future very-easily-injured Queen, who is very strongly protected by you,’ added Nat. ‘It didn’t take much work. You’re very easy to get onto the topic of how great you think Jane is. And then Jane getting knocked out in a bar fight!’ She turned to Jane. ‘I didn’t even plan that!’

‘Um,’ said Jane. ‘Someone needs to explain exactly what’s going on.’ She was pretty sure she already knew and she folded her arms.

‘Honestly, we didn’t think any of them would be prepared to shoot you,’ said Sam. ‘Obviously we didn’t count on Thor.’

‘Wait, are you serious, _Jane_ was your secret weapon?’ demanded Tony. Steve raised an eyebrow. ‘Look, I knew I was just on the team to provide the money, but I made the not unreasonable assumption that Jane was just you guys throwing her a bone.’

‘I am right here,’ said Jane, glaring at him.

Tony shrugged. ‘Sorry Foster, but this is the first time you’ve been outside in daylight in about three months. You’re not exactly first draft pick for anything.’ He considered. ‘I guess I probably wouldn’t shoot an unarmoured regular human at point blank range either. Especially not if I thought Thor might hit me for doing it.’

‘I’ll shoot you in a minute,’ muttered Jane grumpily.

‘Just one potential in a long list of possible tactics we came up with,’ said Rhodey. He winked at Jane. She did her best to keep frowning even if she was sort of trying not to laugh, and Rhodey turned back to Thor. ‘When did you figure it out?’

‘I saw Sif hesitate enough in her chase to miss several shots,’ said Thor. He looked over to Sif who seemed to be half listening in with the other Asgardians, and raised an eyebrow and she actually dropped her gaze, a bit red-faced. ‘At the time I did not assume any particular reason. Then Jane told me Volstagg and Flosi had also refused to shoot - she blamed technical difficulties, but these weapons are simple and Volstagg’s instincts are better than that.’

‘You’re all the worst,’ Jane said. ‘Including you, Rhodey. Except Thor. He respects me enough to shoot me.’ 

‘My apologies, Lady,’ said Volstagg. ‘You are very… unarmoured.’ He coughed and went a bit red too.

‘You said you didn’t want to get involved in our tactics meetings,’ said Sam with a shrug. ‘And for us to just use you as best we could.’

Jane sighed and muttered something unintelligible, wondering how she’d got to a point where the boyfriend who’d shot her in the arm without a moment’s hesitation was coming off the best of the bunch.

‘I am afraid I can only apologise on behalf of Asgard, Lady,’ said Thor, eyes sparkling. ‘It seems as though you have been most unfairly not shot at. If you like, I shall teach you to fight, so that when I make you Queen of Asgard you might do battle with my friends for your own honour.’

Jane opened her mouth, then shut it again, then sighed. ‘You know what, I’m not even going to _start_ with that offer,’ she said. Then she reconsidered. ‘No, wait, I am. Thor, on the whole, I think I’m OK that your friends don’t want to shoot me so I’m good. And Rhodey, as long as some of that charity money is going to a scholarship fund of my choosing, you’re off the hook.’

Rhodey grinned. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘We couldn’t have done it without you.’

‘So why did you talk me into it so aggressively if you just needed Jane?’ demanded Tony.

‘Pleasure of your company,’ said Rhodey with a grin. 

‘That and we all wanted to see you get a little bit shot,’ said Natasha.

‘Can confirm,’ said Clint.

‘That’s why I’m here,’ said Steve. ‘That and beating Thor’s ass at something. Not often both your egos take a hammering at the same event.’

‘If that was a Mjolnir pun you are dead to me,’ said Tony and Sam snickered.

‘And,’ said Thor, a glint in his eye, ‘you have proved yourselves better at paintball, that is true. But what shall we do for round two? A hunt for bilgesnipe? A race through the Pass of Berunur?’

‘A race through where?’ said Steve, perking up like a terrier catching a scent. 

‘This is going to be one of those times I regret not pushing you into the river the first time you ran past me, isn’t it?’ said Sam, and Steve shot him a grin.

‘The Pass of Berunur,’ said Thor. ‘It is but a thread connecting two realms, through dense rocks and across treacherous chasms and up vertical planes. The laws of the universe apply differently there too - there are gravity wells, creatures of myth that cannot possibly exist and, of course, a number of entirely natural bridges of an unpredictable nature.’

‘Wait, by bridges, do you mean…?’ asked Jane, and Thor nodded: he meant _her_ type of bridges. ‘Why have you not taken me there, like, yesterday?’

‘It is largely unmapped and not all survive it,’ said Thor, in the same tone a regular person might say “it’s a long journey” or “you need a visa”. 

‘Oh, _only_?’ muttered Tony.

‘Besides, you’re on Team Earthling!’ said Steve to Jane. 

Thor shot her a pout of monumental proportions and she laughed and took his hand. ‘You did shoot me in the name of Asgard,’ she reminded him.

‘In your own words, that was an action of _respect_ ,’ Thor pointed out.

‘Still Team Midgard,’ said Jane, grinning. ‘Tell you what, when I’m Queen of Asgard I’ll join your team.’

Thor looked far too delighted with that and she tried to frown, but he raised her hand to his lips to kiss it, which never failed to coax a smile from her no matter how much she tried. ‘I shall count the days,’ he said, ‘and until then I shall continue to _respectfully_ shoot you, trip you, or sabotage you in any competition where Asgard’s honour is at stake.’

Jane’s smile widened. ‘You better,’ she said. ‘Although Earth is still going to beat you every time!’ With that, she leaned over to offer Rhodey a high-five, wondering how long until she found herself half way up some treacherous space-mountain, cursing herself for this entire exchange.

She was kinda looking forward to it already.


End file.
